heroes

so, it's been a heck of a long time since i've written anything. but, i figured everyone else is, so i guess i could too. the month of october, well... it just kinda plain old sucked. 3 people, 1 of whom i was very close with passed away. i've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed, and my brain has kind of set itself into recluse mode. not that i don't want to see people at all, because i do, and i have been. but everything that i'm feeling doesn't see the light of day. and i know that it's bad that i bottle everything up. but it's how i cope. i do have moments where i have emotional times... i know, lame way to put it, but i can't think of anything else. so yeah, i said that 3 people i knew passed away... i guess it wasn't all in october, but in a 5 week span. first was dallas martens. i know a lot of people who read this knew him, remember his smile, his ever chipper attitude. you couldn't have found a nicer guy. for those that don't know, dallas and his wife were celebrating their first anniversary in honduras where they were trying to adopt a child while working for an orginization that helps mothers and children with aids, when they were attacked by muggers. dallas, being the man that he was, got in between the attackers and his wife, and wound up getting shot multiple times in the chest, killing him instantly. this took me a while to process. that someone i knew. that someone i knew from martensville even, small town saskatchewan, would die such a violent death. seriously, until this point, everyone who i know that's died had either been a car accident, disease, or sad to say, a suicide. nonetheless, i dealt with it. then, just when i thought that i was done dealing with it. i got a call saying uncle john was not doing well and mom was flying out to say goodbye. i will get into how this affected me, but in a bit. ovbiously, everyone now knows that uncle john was the second person to pass. the third occurde on the 28th of october. his name was LT. justin boyes. you may have heard of this. he's the reason that all the flags in saskatoon area have been at half mast for the past week and a half (which by the way, moves me almost to tears everytime i see it.) justin was killed while serving in afghanistan. he was helping mentor the afghani national police force (ANP) and was leading a patrol when he steped on an improvised explosive device (IED), killing him and injuring two other heros. for those of you who know me, i'm sure you're aware of the immense respect and grattitude i have for soldiers, veterans, and military of any kind. well, the war finally hit home for me the other day. again, it seems surreal that someone i know has died such a violent death. this one almost moreso than dallas'. the insurgent that planted the ied didn't really care at all who he injured. he wasn't doing it for personal gain, he just wanted to kill someone. i could get started on the whole this proves islam wrong thing, but i've gone down that road by myself already, and this post will be plenty long enough without that. anyways... i've been angry about all of that. but, like i said, i will get back to the uncle john part of this. my uncle john passed away from a 3 year battle with cancer. so, how does this compare with the soldier that gave his life for his country and our freedom, and the man who sacrificed his life for the safety and wellbeing of his wife? i'll admit, the first two died hero's deaths. and while it may seem like a cancer related death is just something to add to statistics, it's not. value of a life is measured in the legacy left behind. i'm a firm believer of that. now, that is not to take away from the significance of what justin and dallas did. their sacrifices are an incredible legacy. but my uncle john was a man of integrity. he was a man of compassion, of caring, of understanding. he loved easily, and was easily loved. i don't know why it's taken me this long to write anything, to say anything, but it has. i know people will say that i have nothing to be sorry about for that, but i am nonetheless. my uncle was a family man, putting them before himself without a second thought or a question of doubt. he would have done anything for any of his children, his wife, his brothers and sisters, parents, neices and nephews, and his grandchildren. they said that the cancer started shutting down his organs, and the doctors say that he was having heart problems, but i'm postive they were wrong. his heart was strong until the end. his last moments were spent with the people he loved. his heart was absolutely right. there's no question about that. i know that a lot of people have been sharing stories about uncle john, and i love reading them. but i honestly have a hard time remembering stories about him. maybe it's part of my stupid coping process, if i can't remember stories, i won't be sad. i know that i have memories, i remember his laugh, i remember him at the lake, playing horseshoes with dad and uncle henry and john andres, i remember skiing, tubing, and fishing with him. i remember sleepovers at his house with mike, and him coming out to the truck camper in the back yard to make sure we were ok before he went to bed. i remember the youth group guys having an all nighter in his basement, which was very brave on his part considering none of his children were even in the youth group. i remember him hugging me after grampa died. and me hoping to all things holy that someone wouldn't be hugging me anytime soon at his funeral. if you've been to the john braun page, you've seen that people are posting memories and tributes to him, so far his kids, the thing that resounds is the love that he had for them. and that is evidenced in the love that becky and johnny have for their own children. and the love that ang and mike have for their nephew and nieces. that's a legacy. his legacy, much like grampas is one of love. and i don't care what anyone says, that makes him a hero, just like dallas, and just like justin. so tomorrow, i'm going to go to woodlawn cemetery, and right in the middle of the old military section at the old memorial that says "to our dead" i'm going to leave 3 poppies. one for each of the heroes that has passed away.

lest we forget.